Never Again
by Vampires Will Never Hurt Us
Summary: I dismissed the voice. Never again would I have to hear it, to argue with myself silently. Never again would I have to endure the pain that came with life. Now, I felt nothing but the calm stillness that was death. Some one-sided AshXSquirrel. Oneshot.


**OK, so I just finish reading Long Shadows, and I felt I needed to write a oneshot about this. I really hate that Ashfur's dead, and I will admit that I am a bit reluctant to revisit this topic, but here goes! =/**

She was there, right within my reach. I could have said something. I should have. I didn't know what I would say though. I'm sorry and I want to make things right? No. She wouldn't have believed that, no matter how much I meant it. She was pacing back and forth now as I sat beside the bushed, watching her intently; waiting. I knew that she had some kind of horrible revenge in mind, but I didn't dare think what it might be.

"Squirrelflight…" I started.

"No," she hissed. "Just…Just sit there, a-and don't say anything, OK? This will all be a lot easier on me if you just stop talking."

"OK," I whispered, looking back down at my paws. I wanted so badly to ask her what her intentions really were. Would she mortally wound me and leave me for dead? There was a river a bit farther into the forest. Maybe she would drown me…

At any rate, I knew that my life was over, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

_You can run,_ a voice in my head whispered.

_I don't want to,_ I realized suddenly. I didn't _want_ to run from Squirrelflight, and no power on earth could make me do so. I knew that my death was coming, and what better way to receive it than from the one you love more than anything.

_The one who broke your heart, too,_ the voice spat bitterly. _You were just her tool, Ashfur. You mean nothing to her._

I had realized that long ago. Ever since she had gone back to Brambleclaw, I had known that she didn't care, but until a few moons ago, I hadn't truly realized to what extent. I now knew that she hated me from the very core of her being, and that had only gotten worse when I had tried to kill her kits.

_Not her kits,_ the voice in my head reminded me. _They're someone else's remember?_

Squirrelflight looked up then, as if I had said it aloud. Our eyes locked, hers burning with a passionate abhorrence for my existence. I looked away, and she started pacing again.

"How do you intend to kill me?" I asked suddenly. My words had been a shock to both of us. I hadn't felt them coming; it seemed as though my mouth now had a mind of its own.

"What?" Squirrelflight asked.

"How…" I started again.

"I know what you said!" the she-cat snapped. "I just – how did you know?"

In truth, I could feel anger and bereavement rolling off the she-cat's pelt in heavy, stifling waves. Anyone within three fox-lengths would have noticed. But I wasn't willing to admit that; it would only set her off more. Instead, I replied, "I just thought…"

"Well, stop thinking, OK?" Squirrelflight snapped frenetically. "I can't think right now, and…Just don't speak, alright, Ashfur?" The she-cat spat out my name as though it were a piece of crowfood; the hatred stung my heart, tugging at the edges of the holes that were just beginning to heal, threatening to rip them open once again.

Then, it seemed as though an idea jumped into her head. I watched as her eyes lit up, then darkened maniacally. I tensed, suddenly eager to run, to get as far away from her as possible. I found it rather ironic. After all this time, I was finally alone with the one I loved, and now I wanted to escape her.

Squirrelflight muttered something to herself, and I took a step back. Her head shot up and she glared at me, a soft snarl escaping her lips.

"Move and I'll kill you," she threatened.

"Weren't you already planning on it?" I snapped back, suddenly sarcastic.

"Trust me," Squirrelflight growled. "If you so much as twitch a whisker, you will die the most horrible death imaginable."

I didn't dare ask what that was. My eyes grew wide. The she-cat growled threateningly one last time and looked away again. I could tell by the glint in her eyes that she truly was planning something dreadfully painful; she wanted to stretch out the suffering for as long as possible.

I took a tiny step backward. Squirrelflight didn't notice. Another tiny step; Squirrelflight started. I tensed, but she did not look up.

_Just a few more steps,_ I told myself. _A few more steps and I'll be free. I'll run. I'll go anywhere my paws decide to take me. Maybe I could join another Clan. RiverClan might take me in…Or perhaps WindClan. I could learn to eat rabbits._

I took one last step. It was a large one this time. Again, Squirrelflight was too immersed in her dark thoughts to notice. Then, she turned her back. Seizing the opportunity, I turned tail and ran into the deeper part of the forest. I ran as quickly as possible, hoping that I could lose her before she realized what had happened.

I had no such luck. As soon as I was about a fox-length away from where she had left me, I heard a furious screech, and the soft thudding of cat paws on the forest floor. I turned, weaving my way through a clump of bushes, and she followed. She chased me for a while, until I eventually lost her by a curve in the river that divided us from WindClan.

_Funny,_ the voice in my head growled humorlessly. _You always wanted her chasing after you. You finally got your wish, didn't you?_

For once, I agreed with the naggy little voice that was constantly whispering in my ear. I had always longed for Squirrelflight to chase me the way I had once chased after her. I had finally gotten what I had asked for, and now, it was leading to my death.

I sat there for a moment, listening to the steady rushing of the river as I caught my breath. I wondered idly if Squirrelflight had given up on trying to find me.

And then, there she was. She leapt out at me from behind a tree. I yowled in shock, unprepared for the ambush. We rolled around on the ground, wrestling with all the strength either of us could muster. Soon, it was I who was victorious. Squirrelflight's body was under me, limp with exhaustion. I could feel her chest heaving as she fought for breath.

"I don't want to hurt you, Squirrelflight," I meowed quietly.

"I thought you still had a grudge against me and Brambleclaw," the she-cat spat contemptuously.

I didn't know how to answer that question. I stared into Squirrelflight's furious eyes, and my mind went completely blank.

"I still love you," I whispered.

Squirrelflight had obviously had more than enough. She screeched, bucking against me. I went flying, hitting the ground on my side. A sharp jolt of pain ran along my right flank, and my legs stung. I had probably damaged one of them in some way. I felt the breath being knocked out of me, and I lay there panting as Squirrelflight raced over to me and unsheathed her claws.

"Don't forgive me," she snarled. Then, she raised her paw and struck me across the neck.

I felt my flesh tearing, and heard the sharp ripping sound that came with it. There was an excruciating pain that followed. I stifled a yowl, biting my tongue until I could taste blood. I watched as a large pool of crimson liquid formed at the ground just below my neck wound. I tried to beg, tried to make words come out of my mouth, but the pain was just too much.

Squirrelflight wasn't ready to end my suffering, though. She grabbed me by the scruff and heaved the upper half of my body into the river. My head was immediately submerged. All I could see was the bottom of the river. My paws flailed as I tried desperately to get back to the surface, but Squirrelflight was pushing me down. My head simply would not move.

I felt my back paw jerk up into Squirrelflight's stomach, and the pressure was released from my head. I lifted myself above water, gasping for air, and was promptly pushed back down mid-breath.

I watched as my blood seeped into the water, tinting it red, as Squirrelflight submerged my whole upper body. My lungs felt as though they would explode. I had never had much lung capacity, and being upside-down underwater with a mortal wound in the side of my neck was just about the worst thing ever. Then, I felt my lower body slip from the land, and heard the sharp splash of water as my whole body was pushed into the river. I felt myself rolling downstream, and was sure that I would end up in some lake StarClan knows how far away. But then, I felt Squirrelflight grip my scruff with her teeth. She pulled me away from the strong point of the current, while keeping my head under water.

I flailed once more, my strength ebbing. In the last moments of my life, I felt a mixture of emotions: remorse, anger, fear, sadness, regret, love, hope, pain. I wished that I could show Squirrelflight how much I truly loved her. If I could go back, I wouldn't have taken back what I had done to Hollyleaf, Lionblaze, and Jayfeather in the fire at the camp, but I would at least tell their mother everything I had ever wanted to say to her.

I felt surprisingly peaceful as the darkness at the edges of my vision finally seized me. I found that death was surprisingly easy for me to accept.

_Now you've done it,_ the voice in my head snarled, making one last feeble attempt to throw some sarcasm at me. I dismissed the voice. Never again would I have to hear it, to argue with myself silently. Never again would I have to endure the pain that came with life. Now, I felt nothing but the calm stillness that was death.

**What did you think? Too long, too short, too sadistic? Lemme know what you think! Reviews make me smile. Won't you make me smile, too? =)**


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